Strings

Sorting through a thesaurus to find the right word to describe the last several months. "Distressing" seems like such a lightweight. To even begin to describe it feels like opening Pandora's box & to be honest, I am at a point right now where I want to set it on the mantle and walk away for a while.
No more late night talks.
No more emails. 
No more crying.
No more texts.
No more sad songs. 
No more crying.
I want a break from all the things that are wrong in my life.

In the haze of the depression that accompanies seasons like this, I woke up one morning with the usual difficulty of getting out of bed. Somehow, in the usual web of leftover voices & thoughts that had been replaying for months, a new one spoke:

"Set yourself free."

I don't even know if I know what that means, but it hasn't stopped me from adapting this to be my personal mantra. Whatever strings other people are using to control me, I want to stop.
For good.
I am on a journey to discover what it could be like if I took care of myself & respected myself.
If I could make decisions that aren't manipulated by anyone else's thoughts or opinions.
If I could truly be the caption of each day.
For the longest time I had been the sorry product of their expectations.
With much pain, I admit, it soured everything good in my life.

Every time I cut one of their strings, it feels so good to see it go.
Never to be replaced with another.

Vintage Indian dancing Elephant puppet

Farewell Summer

I found myself peeking at this site this morning. As I saw two little guys who have already outgrown these summer pictures, I knew I have to make an effort to post more of their pictures & stories.

  

In the middle of a hurricane, there are beautiful moments.
 I don't want to forget how wonderful they are.

September 2011

Every summer gives rise to an innocence that quickly expires.