Feb Photo A Day #2 Words

 Some of my blogging & Instagram friends are participating in Feb Photo A Day so I joined in too! I'll post some of the pictures here, but all of them on Instagram {andreadozier}. 

The prompt for #Day 2? WORDS

This is a little peek at the wall to my left when I'm at the computer in my home office {where I edit wedding photography, blog, email...}. It's good to remember this. ♥

Tad Carpenter was the designer & he sells these sweet

"What I Love Most About My Home is Who I Share it With" prints here.

Grey

I imagined I lived in London today. The weather was all heavy fog and rain. Besides scaring myself {a little} by spinning my tires in some mud, it was a lovely day.

Part is me is chuckling that I can find this winter to be so pleasant.
I hate winter.

For many years I have believed that since my ancestors lived under a warm sun all year round, I just do not fit in here. The cold & grey tend to depress me after a while. My white skin makes me feel like a stranger in my own body. I anticipate the longer days & constantly yearn for July. I thought that the perfect answer was to pack up & leave this state for a warmer climate.
And maybe it would be awfully nice, but I've been reconsidering this magic bullet concept.

Becoming content, {and more importantly}, relishing in thankfulness, has changed me.

Can the fog become beautiful?
Can the cold inspire me to make this little cottage a cozy place?
Can the grey skies cocoon me in a thick layer of serenity?
Can the rain on pavement give even the smallest light a stage to illuminate & shimmer?
Can this season of winter bring forth just as much growth as the spring?

I used to acknowledge the grey as a one note tune.
Just an ugly mass of monotony.
I'm starting to see the nuances of pigment & light in this grey.
As my eyes adjust, it's like detecting another spectrum of color.
I'm finding there are notes so subtle you have to stop & press your ear to the Maker in order to hear them.
The depth of its potential is what I make of it. What I have the patience to notice.

I'm starting to carefully navigate my way through the obscurity of this fog.
Sometimes it is so thick that I stand on my tiptoes & try to catch a glimpse of the elusive horizon.
It still hides.
Soon it is quietly swallowed up in the darkness of the early night.
There is a mystery in the destination & I accept that I don't know what the future looks like.
I have simply concluded that if I can find my way in this place,
it is possible to be fond of it. ♥

Kevin & Damian walking to Grandma's in the fog
{instagram andreadozier}
♥

A family sewn together again

“Nobody can go back and start a
new beginning,
but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
Maria Robinson

I made the above poster for a wedding story that is really close to my heart and such a great way to start the new year with hope. I had the pure delight of photographing my sister & her husband RE-MARRY on Valentine's last year. Read more about their inspiring story & see pictures of
their family {including their three adorable kids} here.

Is love alive?

They say that things just cannot grow
Beneath the winter snow
Or so I have been told

They say we're buried far
Just like a distant star
I simply cannot hold

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

 I still believe in summer days
The seasons always change
And life will find a way

I'll be your harvester of light
And send it out tonight
So we can start again

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson – “Winter Song”

The funny thing about lyrics that cling to your heart, is that you find their specific meaning evolves over time. Perhaps the message is always still the same, we just receive it differently. I've been thinking about this old "deployment" song. Not just because it's on my Christmas {Spotify} playlist, but because of a curious little thing I've been marveling about lately.

When I was pregnant with Damian, Rocky gave me an Orchid for Mother's Day. I loved the pretty white flowers, but during the move & new baby & a slew of home renovations... it just kind of died. Two dried sticks & one last withering leaf were all that remained. Such a far cry from the lovely gift it once was.

I was so attached to it I couldn't throw it out. I carefully watered it. I moved it around, "to get the right amount of sunlight." For almost two years, none of my efforts seemed to matter. Every once in a while I contemplated replacing it with a new flower. Even recently I took it out of the vase & had intentions to discard it. I just couldn't actually go through with it. In the back of my mind,

I had the smallest hope that since it hadn't deteriorated entirely, maybe it wasn't over.

It's been hiding in a corner of our dining room, high above Damian's busy hands. When I moved it to do some rearranging last week, I noticed a curious little thing...

A

new

bud.

Not just one, but two! These little baby sprouts have made me so proud. The bright green digested sunshine in the midst of a grey canvas has been good medicine for me.

Nevermind what they say...


♥

Dreamy December

Definitely a "one step forward, two steps back" {or however that goes} kind of day. It seems like no matter what I tried to do, there was consistently a force staggering my attempt at progress.

The boys went to bed a little early, so I'm catching up with a little work & remembering the
little victories. These pictures are from one of my favorite mornings with Damian.
They remind me to have a little optimism, because tomorrow truly "is a day with no mistakes in it."

This rabbit was a gift from my husband's family when he returned from Afghanistan.
It plays "There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays" and Ocean loves it {he adores everything musical}. He doesn't realize that it almost moves us to tears to hear this particular song.
At times it's been very difficult & we are far from perfect...
but oh how I treasure this little family of mine. ♥

Sweet Treats

These two...

Oh how their smiles bring me life. ♥

Strings

Sorting through a thesaurus to find the right word to describe the last several months. "Distressing" seems like such a lightweight. To even begin to describe it feels like opening Pandora's box & to be honest, I am at a point right now where I want to set it on the mantle and walk away for a while.
No more late night talks.
No more emails. 
No more crying.
No more texts.
No more sad songs. 
No more crying.
I want a break from all the things that are wrong in my life.

In the haze of the depression that accompanies seasons like this, I woke up one morning with the usual difficulty of getting out of bed. Somehow, in the usual web of leftover voices & thoughts that had been replaying for months, a new one spoke:

"Set yourself free."

I don't even know if I know what that means, but it hasn't stopped me from adapting this to be my personal mantra. Whatever strings other people are using to control me, I want to stop.
For good.
I am on a journey to discover what it could be like if I took care of myself & respected myself.
If I could make decisions that aren't manipulated by anyone else's thoughts or opinions.
If I could truly be the caption of each day.
For the longest time I had been the sorry product of their expectations.
With much pain, I admit, it soured everything good in my life.

Every time I cut one of their strings, it feels so good to see it go.
Never to be replaced with another.

Vintage Indian dancing Elephant puppet